words that work

Interpersonal relationships provide an ongoing arena in which to practice NVC mediation skills, as well as a place to see how old patterns show up and make new choices in our behavior. Since much of this learning is about patterns that are habitual, it often takes some time to first notice the pattern and then [...]

We all project both positive and negative images onto other people. In our negative images we judge, label, and diagnose; in positive ones, we admire, label, and even revere. The effect is essentially the same; whether we are projecting our positive or negative images onto another person, we put them in a box. We limit [...]

We’ve all experienced times when we thought we understood someone or they understood us, only to later find out that we are on totally different pages. We end up wondering how this could have happened when we thought we were clearly communicating with each other. Yet if we think about it, we might find that [...]

A few days ago I had an important conference call and in the days before the call, I was feeling anxious and distressed anticipating the call but unclear about why. I went for a walk the day of the call, and during the walk I realized I was feeling ashamed. I had the belief that [...]

By Ike Lasater and Julie Stiles At one level of dealing with the issue of overwhelm is just getting organized and creating a system to handle the “incoming” of things to do. Both of us are using some version of David Allen’s system known as Getting Things Done (GTD) for this aspect of handling overwhelm. [...]

By Ike Lasater and Julie Stiles Ever sat in front of your email or task management program and felt overwhelmed? Too many emails, too much to do…where do you start? Both of us have been confronting this issue recently. I (Ike) mostly find it when I go to my email. When I’m in a certain [...]

We use a flight simulator metaphor in our trainings; we ask people to work in dyads and triads where they can have rehearsals and post-hearsals for the situations in their lives that they find difficult. If something has happened in the past that they would like to have responded to differently, if a pattern keeps [...]

I received an email recently from Jan Blum, a mediator and facilitator who has done John Kinyon’s and my trainings. She now leads a weekly telecircle, and here is an excerpt of what she sent: “As a result of our telecircle, I am beginning to see and accept that conflict pops up everywhere and looks like it’s an unavoidable part of [...]

It’s easy to demonize the bully; that kid or adult who bashes another person because they are gay or straight, poor or rich, white or black or brown, Christian or Muslim or Jewish. When we do so, however, we disconnect not only from that person, reducing the likelihood that we can intervene in a way [...]

I was sitting in a café in Warsaw, in a work meeting, with tears streaming down my face. I had just watched the video of Ft. Worth City Councilman Joel Burns genuinely sharing from his heart about his experience, with a plea to youth who are being bullied and contemplating suicide to stick around, that [...]