Comments for words that work

Comment on Ike’s Story: From Lawyer to NVC Mediator by Karl

Karl — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 17:35:38 +0000

What a powerful story! Thanks for sharing this. I really enjoy seeing how you have come to be involved with NVC.

Comment on Shame by Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 17:54:08 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing about your experience of meta-shame (feeling ashamed of feeling ashamed). I am grateful for the reassurance that i am not the only one to experience this über-emotion. And i am grateful for the reminder to speak my truth about that the meta-shame – and how that deflates the emotion. This reminder gave me the courage to reach out this morning. I am awed at how quickly that diffused the shame. My guess is that talking about shame meets my need for belonging!

Comment on Book Recommendations by Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 02:44:54 +0000

I am excited and curious seeing three books on your bookshelf: Dennett and the two Dawkins books. I am excited because i am hoping to have found a fellow traveller – someone who is interested in NVC and in the skeptical voices of the “new atheists.” And i am curious as to why you’re reading the books – wondering if you’d be open to a dialog (maybe not here on your blog – email might ensure more privacy).

Seeing Blackmore’s book on your list, i thought you might be interested in a critique of the meme approach to cultural evolution: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/evolution-cultural/ (see esp. sections 4 & 5).

Comment on Shame by Sofie Bakker

Sofie Bakker — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 10:31:04 +0000

I would like to share how for me the experience of shame is part of integrating nvc into my life.
I too read the book of Brené Brown and so became aware of when I am experiencing shame.
I spent a coffeevisit with an nvc friend and his new girlfriend, and somehow was not able to respond empathically, I kept talking about myself. All of a sudden they left and I felt a lot of shame, thinking what they would be thinking about me now. Like I lead a practice group but am not albe to listen in real life.
Also I end up in shame sometimes trying to parent nvc in a power-over environment. I wish to stay in request consiousness when at the same time the other parents are making their child behave, say thank you for instance. At times when my child refuses to say thank you or to say goodbye, it happens there is this shameful feeling in me. Fearing how I am being perceived as a mother.
Shame is so painful for me because it touches my need for belonging and my need for being seen as I am.

Comment on Email and Task Overwhelm: Part 1 by Marek

Marek — Wed, 11 May 2011 13:09:31 +0000

Yes, it happens with e-mail – as with any other duty/chore you have to take care of. I have found that the easiest way is to transform them into something pleasurable, like:
1) thinking about the joy of reaching the goal – by doing the job or,
2) making the process a little like game, giving yourself mid-prizes or delights, whatever that means for you.
The idea is to reduce the stress level by associating the work you have to do with something pleasurable (just like anchoring techinque from NLP).
3) Good (automatic) filtering and tagging your emails is helpfull – GMail is an perfect example.
4) Click your amygdala forward – if you can

Comment on Practice Opportunity by Michael Felberbaum

Michael Felberbaum — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 19:39:09 +0000

I like this post. It is a helpful reminder of how the emotion swirling around conflict often serves to maintain distance. It seems that when we approach conflict with a basic confidence in our ultimate ability to come to mutual understanding there is a lot less loneliness and misery.

I view conflict as part of the human conversation, the human condition, so to speak. I also see it as an opportunity for practice and a way to reduce a sense of poverty or isolation by gaining fresh perspective. So I suppose it is joyful in the sense that we can be grateful that we have people and situations around who are willing to show us where we are stuck and where we are cutting ourselves off from the rest of humanity. Thanks for some good food for thought.

Comment on Choosing Life: Nonviolent Communication and the Suffering of Oppression by Ken Moore

Ken Moore — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 18:36:38 +0000

Thanks Ike, for the clear and lovely example of how to both do and be compassionate through self-empathy.

Comment on Workshops by Inay

Inay — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 11:29:50 +0000

Hi, I was shifted at the mediation workshop hed in Seoul recently. I dream of attending an one-year training course someday. Thank you.

Comment on Humanizing the Bully Using the Enemy Image Process by Laura Crawshaw

Laura Crawshaw — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 15:28:31 +0000

Julie, I thought you might be interested in the fact that I coach abrasive leaders (also known as bullying bosses), and part of the Boss Whispering Method involves getting them to empathize with the coworkers they are aggressive with. On the same track, they learn to have more empathy for themselves. The Boss Whispering Institute is now providing seminars to mediators who are interested in coaching abrasive bosses.
Best
Laura Crawshaw, Ph.D.
The Boss Whisperer

Comment on Ike’s Story: From Lawyer to NVC Mediator by Gordana

Gordana — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 10:03:48 +0000

Dear Ike,
I’d like to express gratitude for your story and the description of your journey to the heart of yourself and NVC. While reading the story and especially the part where you described your first workshop and tour realisation how despite not understanding what was going on you new it was ”life affirming” I felt combination of warmth, tenderness and openheartedness, because it contributed to my need for inspiration, for sharing and hope for me and all of us to be able to learn and change the way we communicate and relate to people from our heart following our own values. It also reminded me a little bit of how I felt first time when I read the Marshall’s book.

I also wish to thank you for all the learning material you have posted on the website I have discovered them last week and I am slowly going through them, each one contibuting to deepening my understanding and practicing of NVC.
Thank you and, I hope I shall have a chance to meet you in person soon.
Warm wishes,
Gordana